can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
