My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
