ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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