I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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