i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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