Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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