I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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