I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
