put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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