Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
