my vag is so smooth its legendary
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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