eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is wine microwaveable?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
