Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
