Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
