I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
