I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
