I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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