its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
