I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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