Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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