Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
