i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
