now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
