I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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