So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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