I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i dont even know how to be here
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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