I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bring me that man meat
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
