conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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