he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
