it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
