he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
