so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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