well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
