I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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