just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I AM VODKA MAN
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
