If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
