I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
