Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
