im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
