My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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