I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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