Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Are my feet made of real feet?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
