so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
