I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
