i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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