you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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