Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
