I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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