I'm really into asian looking animals
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
