i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
