i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He felt like a one man threesome
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
